Deleted, removed, forgotten…
I gave of myself so freely, let her into my life, let my guard down. I saw the red flags when we first met, a lingering ex. It was decided I wasn’t going to pursue her… I didn’t follow through with that decision. I gave in, I let go.
The first time I was hurt, a vacation with the lingering ex, I convinced myself it wouldn’t happen again, things would change. I was hurt a second time. Pushed aside, looked over, blamed for other peoples thoughts and feelings… I let it slide, I let her win. I thought it wouldn’t happen again, things would change. Things seemed to be getting better, we started growing closer. I went on a trip with her and her family. Spent three days with them. We grew closer…
The day after we got back from vacation she left on another to California. This time with some of our friends… and the lingering ex… I told her I didn’t like it, I wasn’t comfortable with it. “I don’t know what to say to make you not feel that way,” she said. In my head I was dying for her to tell me there was no reason to worry. She didn’t. She got to California. I recieved one, and only one, text message the day after she got there. Then silence. An entire week of silence….
I was hurt a third time… She called me, acting like nothing was wrong. I confronted her about ignoring me for a week. She said she just needed time to think. She had her phone off… She forgot my friends where there too… I KNOW what she did. I KNOW how she was behaving with her ex… Did the five months we had spent together mean nothing to her? Did I mean nothing to her? Her actions definitely showed just how much she really cared… NOT AT ALL!
There is an odd sense of justification in knowing that my insecurities and uncertainty about our relationship were very much warranted… When she said there was nothing she could say to make me feel at ease about her spending a week with her ex she knew exactly what she was about to do. She had made her choice, her plan. I hope it was worth it because she will NEVER find another guy like me again!
This wasn’t a waste of time just a waste of myself. I have never in my life met someone who is so selfish. She never seems to be thinking of anyone but herself, never thinking about how her choices could really hurt others. No one has ever hurt me this much, but I have learned an important lesson. I learned that I am a good person. Caring, patient, and faithful. I have grown, but at a great cost.
Deleted, removed, forgotten… Any way you want to put it, she will never be a part of my life again. She has nothing to offer me.
